Macavity's Shenanigans
by teatime14
Summary: A new wave of crime in the Junkyard could only mean one thing... Macavity! When Mistoffelees volunteers as tribute to fight Macavity, everyone knows they're doomed. How could a sparkling midget possibly defeat the evil dark wizard Lord Macavity? But does Mistoffelees have a few tricks up his magic sleeves? Probably not, but read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**I haven't written anything recently so I just decided to write this random little story. It's random and stupid and yeah... haha**

Disclaimer: I don't own cats

* * *

In just the last month crime in the Jellicle Junkyard had risen to a new high. Greenhouse glass was broken, milk was mssing, the trellis was past repair, and yet another jewelcase had been rifled. These petty crimes could only mean one thing...

"MACAVITY!" Demeter cried, her eye twitching.

Yeah, I was getting to that. Being the only real villain in "Cats", Macavity was no doubt the criminal behind all of the shenanigans. And Munkustrap, the heroic and bold leader of the Jellicles, was out to put an end to all of the injustice.

"We need to put an end to all of this injustice!" Munkustrap announced in front of all of the Jellicle cats. "Macavity has gotten way out of control!"

"Isn't he your brother?" Jemima suddenly interrupted.

"No, he's-" Munkustrap started.

"No, lassie, I thought they had a rivalry based on their dual desire to rule over the Jellicles," Skimbleshanks added.

"No, no, no, playa!" Pouncival, the wanna-be-gangster said. "Munkustrap just be hatin' 'cuz Macavity banged Demeter!"

"Shut up Pouncival no one likes you!" Munkustrap yelled. "Anyways, as I was saying we have to stop Macavity."

"But Macavity's one sneaky smexy b*tch!" Bombalurina interjected. "How do we stop him?"

"I know, I know! Why do you think I'm having this meeting in the first place? He's too good," Munkustrap said spitefully. "We need someone strong and brave- and preferrably not me- to fight Macavity and kill him- I mean, stop his crime spree- once and for all!"

"Why don't _you_ just stop him?" Electra said.

"Yeah, you're the Jellicle leader!"

"He's just afraid Macavity will kick his ass again," Tumblebrutus said, rolling his eyes.

"T-t-that is besides the point!" Munkustrap yelled. "And I did _not_ get my ass kicked, I merely got a foot cramp during the fight. Anyways, are there _any_ volunteers? _Anyone_?" Cricket chirp, cricket chirp.

"I volunteer!" a bold voice rang out from the crowd. "I volunteer as tribute!"

"Oh, a volunteer! Oh goody!" Munkustrap squealed and clapped. "Now let's see who it is."

The crowd of cats all stepped aside to reveal Alonzo standing alone in the clearing, looking very heroic with his chest puffed out and his muscles bulging.

"Yessss!" Munkustrap said, doing a fist pump. "Alonzo, our prized champion! You will defeat Macavity and put an end to the mass milk stealing!"

Alonzo looked around and pointed to himself. "Me? I didn't volunteer."

Munkustrap's face fell and he slapped his hand on his forehead. "Then who did?"

A small black cat stepped out from behind Alonzo and waved to Munkustrap. "Me, of course!" A bright spotlight fell on Mistoffelees as he struck a showy pose with his hand in the air.

"Mistoffelees? _You_ volunteered to fight Macavity?" Munkustrap said skeptically.

"Heck yes I did!" Mistoffelees exclaimed. "Are you forgetting my awesome magical powers?"

"Mistoffelees, all you did was turn on a few lights and then lure Old Deuteronomy out of a pipe. I'm not sure that qualifies you to face He-who-Must-Not-be-Named," Munkustrap said bluntly.

"Oh yeah? Watch this!" Mistoffelees said. "BAM!" He shot a small lightning bolt at a nearby tin can, causing it to tip over. "I'm on fire baby!" He wet his finger and touched it to his side, making a sizzling noise.

"Any other volunteers? Any one?" Munkustrap asked again, desperately searching the crowd.

"Hey!" Mistoffelees whined. "What about me?"

"Oh, um... this is awkward. You see, you're not exactly the Macavity butt-kicking type. You're more of a... a sparkling midget used for plot convenience and comic relief," Munkustrap explained. Mistoffelees' eyes watered and he did a sad puppy dog face. Munkustrap quickly covered his eyes. "Oh no, not the puppy eyes! Anything but that!"

"No, it's fine," Mistoffelees said, continuing to give Munkustrap the dejected puppy eyes. "Someone else can be champion." He started to turn away sadly.

"All right, all right! You can be the junior champion, Mistoffelees, like a sidekick. Alonzo will be our primary champion."

"Yesss!" Mistoffelees celebrated, jumping into the air. He began to loudly sing "I am the champion".

"Hey, I still didn't volunteer!" Alonzo objected.

"Of course you did, Alonzo," Munkustrap said, clapping Alonzo on the back. "Of course you did. Meeting adjourned!" The crowd of cats began to disperse and Electra approached Mistoffelees.

"Heyyyy Mistoffelees!" Electra said with a flirty smile and a little wave. "Congratulations on being named junior champion."

"Thanks," Mistoffelees said. "It was in the bag."

"You're so mysterious and aloof, ya know. The way you volunteered like that was, like, so totally brave," Electra giggled.

"Yeah, it was pretty brave," Mistoffelees agreed, enjoying the attention.

"You know I like you, Mistoffelees," Electra said. "Don't you remember dancing with me at the Jellicle Ball? It was, like, so magical! No pun intended, tee hee hee!" Mistoffelees rolled his eyes. God, she was annoying.

"Woah, woah woah, no feelings talk! Listen, Electra, about that..." Mistoffelees said. "I only danced with you 'cuz there was no one else. Seriously, it was either you or Jennyanydots. And I honestly almost picked Jennyanydots." He shuddered at the thought.

"Wh-wh-what?" Electra stuttered. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"What? We were never together!" Mistoffelees said.

"Fine then! I'm sure Rum Tum Tugger will be my boyfriend!" Electra yelled. Mistoffelees laughed.

"Yeah, like that would ever happen. Your obsession with that cat is kind of creepy," he stated, shaking his head. He suddenly looked down at his watch. "Oh my! If you'll excuse me it's 8:00, time to spy on Victoria. See you around!"

* * *

Mistoffelees sat inside a dank pipe as he did every day, watching Victoria dance... which isn't creepy or stalker-ish at all. Victoria danced around the clearing elegantly as she sang.

"I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight!" Victoria sang. "I feel charming, Oh so charming. It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real!"

Mistoffelees suddenly ran out from the pipe and struck a pose right next to Victoria, turning a spotlight on the two of them.

"See the pretty girl in the mirror there!" Mistoffelees sang out. "Who can that attractive girl be?"

"Oh, hi Mistoffelees," Victoria muttered, rolling her eyes. The spotlight turned out and the music stopped.

"Hey Victoria," Mistoffelees said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Having a good night?"

"Yeah, um... were you spying on me?" Victoria asked, a little creeped out. "I thought Munkustrap told you you couldn't do that any more."

"Uh, no! Duh, of course not!" Mistoffelees lied nervously. "Psssshh, why would I be spying on you? I was just passing by and happened to see you here, you know." He casually leaned against a pile of trash.

"Oh, okay... that's nice," Victoria said. She started to turn when Mistoffelees spoke out again.

"So, did you hear I was chosen as prime champion of the Jellicles?" Mistoffelees said, admiring his nails. "I'm gonna take down Macavity."

"I thought Alonzo was chosen, " Victoria replied.

"Well, I was chosen as junior champion. Which is basically prime champion," Mistoffelees explained.

"Well... Congratulations. By the way, have you seen Plato?" Victoria asked, looking around the junkyard.

"No, I haven't seen _Lame_-o, I mean Plato," Mistoffelees said, frowning and rolling his eyes.

"Hmm. I wonder where he could be?"

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Mungojerrie, who's the most evil person you know?" Macavity asked casually as he sat in his evil lair with his evil minion Mungojerrie.

"Um, um, um... Oi know tis one!" Mungojerrie stammered as Macavity looked at him expectantly. "OH! It's yoo, Plato!"

"GRAAGGGHHHH!" Macavity bellowed. "I told you not to call me that! You shall adress me as the evil dark wizard Lord Macavity! In that order!"

"Ollroight, ollroight. Sorry Pla- Oi mean- tha evil dahk wizahd Lohd Macavi'y," Mungojerrie said. After some thought he asked, "Bu' when yoo take off tat wig there, wot should Oi cawl yoo ten?" He pointed to Plato's tangled Macavity wig.

"While I'm wearing my snazzy wig, you shall call me Macavity, you nincompoop! When I'm not in disguise I'm Plato!" Macavity rolled his eyes. "_Really_, you're cramping my style."

"Ollroight, Masteh, wotevah yoo say," Mungojerrie sighed.

"AHEM."

"Oi mean- evil dahk wizahd Lohd Macavity."

"Better... but why are you talking like that?" Macavity/Plato asked Mungojerrie irritably.

"Oi, sir, it's me cockney accen', o' course!" Mungojerrie explained.

"Well stop it, it's giving me a headache!" Plato snapped, rubbing his temples with his fingers.

"Of course, Oh evil dark wizard Lord Macavity," Mungojerrie said without his accent.

"Thank God that's over. Now, what news do you have for me today?" he asked.

"Well... there's good news and bad news. Which would you prefer first?" Mungojerrie said.

"The bad news first, by all means."

"Munkustrap has chosen someone to take you down," Mungojerrie said.

"Well, that's not so bad. Out with the good news now! Ohhh, I hope it's good!" Macavity said excitedly, rubbing his hands together.

Mungojerrie continued, "The chosen champions are Alonzo and Mistoffelees."

"Alonzo may be something of a problem, but Mistoffelees? HA! That bumbling fool doesn't even know how to tie his own shoe laces!"

"But Mistoffelees doesn't wear-"

"IT WAS AN EXPRESSION, YOU FOOL!" Macavity yelled. He glared at Mungojerrie, who eventually got the message and forced a laugh. "Good Mungojerrie, very good. So old Munkustrap thinks he can outsmart me, the Hidden Paw? Well he can think again! Muahhahahah!"

"Haha. Hahaha! HA HA!" Mungojerrie joined in on the laughter. Macavity shook his head and stopped Mungojerrie with a raise of his paw.

"Mungojerrie, just stop. You're going to have to work on your maniacal laugh. Really, you're an embarrassment to evil everywhere," Macavity complained.

* * *

Later..

Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, and Admetus sat on a car hood as they watched the girl kittens fawning over the Rum Tum Tugger.

"Maaann, why can't we get b*tches like he does?" Pouncival whined, pointing at the Rum Tum Tugger. "That foo' be trippin'."

"Just because he has an awesome mane, an ultra cool belt, hips like Shakira, and the voice of an angel doesn't mean the girls should be all over him," Tumblebrutus agreed, rolling his eyes. "Why can't they see how totally lame he is?"

"His hips don't lie," Pouncival added.

"Well I think-"

"Shut up, Admetus, since when did you get lines?" Tumblebrutus snapped.

"Oh, poo," Admetus whined, deflating. Suddenly Macavity approached the boys.

"Hi, guys. What's up?" Macavity said casually.

"AAHHH, it's Macavity!" Tumblebrutus yelled. "Run for your liiiiivvveeesss!"

"Oh, I forgot." Macavity reached up and took off his wig, revealing himself to be Plato.

"Heeyyy, it's Plato, my home dawg!" Pouncival exclaimed, doing his secret handshake with Plato. "Where you been, man?"

"And where did Macavity go?" Tumblebrutus asked, looking around with confusion.

"Oh, uh..." Plato stammered. "He, uh, left. He disappeared."

"Darn it! He truly is a wizard!" Tumblebrutus exclaimed.

"An evil dark wizard," Plato muttered maniacally.

"Uh yeah... that too. Well, we'll get him next time," said Tumblebrutus.

"So what are you guys up to?" Plato asked casually.

"Oh, nothing," Pouncival sighed. "Just pimpin'."

"So, about Macavity..." Plato started. "If he were to take over the world, cause massive destruction, and enslave all Jellicle kind... which day do you think would work best? Right now I was thinking Tuesday, but what would you guys think?"

"Hmmm," Tumblebrutus said, deep in thought. "Definitely tomorrow, cuz then Macavity would catch us most off guard."

"Brilliant! Tomorrow it is! By the way, do Alonzo and Mistoffelees have any plans for how to stop me- I mean, Macavity?" Plato asked.

"Mistoffelees is janky, ain't no way he stands a chance against Macavity. And I hear Alonzo's gonna be pimpin' outta town tomorrow," Pouncival said.

"How utterly convenient," Plato said with an evil smile. "It's all too perfect."

"Yeah, hopefully Macavity won't attack tomorrow," Tumblebrutus said lightly. "We'd be screwed."

"Oh, I'm sure he won't," Plato continued to smirk and run his hands together evilly. "I'm sure he won't..."

* * *

Meanwhile...

Mistoffelees was starting to get a little worried about being Junior Champion. He only volunteered thinking it would make him look cool without realizing he'd actually have to fight Macavity. Mistoffelees literally knew nothing about fighting OR magic and had only convinced everyone that he was a magician by pulling a nickel out of Old Deuteronomy's ear. With not even the slightest clue about what to do, Mistoffelees decided he should consult Tantomile and Coricopat. Being psychic, they must have had some inner knowledge.

"Tantomile, Coricopat, I need your advice!" Mistoffelees called out to the cats. The twins were sitting up straight and were completely identical, right down to their large hipster glasses and scarves.

"No thanks. We only gave you advice before it was cool," they said in sync.

"Please, I really need your help! I need to know how to fight Macavity!" Mistoffelees begged.

"We fought Macavity before it was cool," they remarked arrogantly with synchronized eye rolling.

"Can't you just use your psychic powers to give me at least a hint?" Mistoffelees said, becoming increasingly frustrated with the twins.

"We don't feel like talking right now. Our tongues hurt," they complained simultaneously.

"Why's that?"

"This morning we drank our coffee before it was cool," they remarked.

"Oh my god, never mind!" Mistoffelees yelled as he stormed off. "I hate hipsters!" And Mistoffelees left slightly annoyed with even less of an idea of what he would do about Macavity. "Well, I can always count on Alonzo, I suppose," he thought. "As long as Macavity doesn't make any moves tomorrow when Alonzo is out of town, we're all perfectly safe!"

Macavity popped his head out of a bush and said to himself in an evil-plotting manner, "Too bad Macavity WILL attack tomorrow! And they'll never see it coming! MUAhAHAH!" Mistoffelees quickly swiveled his head around. "Oh shit!" Macavity said and ducked back into the bush to avoid being seen.

"That's funny," Mistoffelees said suspiciously. "I could have sworn I saw Macavity in that bush saying that he would attack tomorrow. I'm sure that's not true though."

And so Mistoffelees set off again in search of something- anything- that would help in fighting Macavity. Because the fact that he could shoot lightning bolts definitely wouldn't help at all.

* * *

**Heyyyy thanks for reading. Lol please don't take offense by any of the story. And please review! Anything you like/don't like, whatever! Next chapter probably out next week hopefully.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I dont own cats

* * *

As Mistoffelees was wandering around aimlessly he saw the Rum Tum Tugger with his usual band of fangirls- Etcetera, Electra, Jemima, and Victoria.

"Ugh, the Rum Tum Tugger. What a terrible bore," Mistoffelees thought, though he realized the cat could be useful in figuring out how to defeat Macavity. After all, Tugger was renouned for being artful and knowing... or was it awful annoying?

Mistoffelees stood in front of Tugger impatiently as the cat recounted one of his "exciting" tales.

"So then I looked her straight in the eye and I said-" Tugger started in his over-sexed manner, "'Honey, I'm not taking no milk. You better give me some cream or I'll go pee on the rug!'" The kittens all giggled and squealed stupidly.

"OMG Tugger you're such a bad boy!" Electra fawned over Tugger.

"You are so totes fab!" Etcetera giggled.

"Okay, hold on, hold on!" Mistofflees interrupted. "Am I the only one who has a problem with this?" Everyone stared at him blankly. "Tugger walks around in a leopard print leotard and you all think he's a sexy bad ass? What is wrong with this world!?"

"Well at least _he_ doesn't sparkle," Jemima said.

"HEY!" Mistoffelees yelled. "Plenty of manly men sparkle!"

"Like?"

"Edward Cullen!" Mistoffelees argued defensively. After a moment of silence Mistoffelees said, "Nevermind, forget I said anything. I came here to ask you, Dumb dumb Tugger, if you had any advice for taking down Macavity."

"So you're asking me a favor?" Tugger purred flirtaciously. Mistoffelees made a disgusted face.

"No. Ew. No. Just... no! We are NOT gay lovers!" Mistoffelees said. "This is NOT that kind of fanfic!"

"What are we then, brothers?" Tugger asked, putting his hands up. "I need some clarification here."

"No. I hate you, but we have some sort of mutual respect for each other," Mistoffelees explained. Tugger looked confused. "Yeah, I don't get it either."

"So if you're not here to flirt with me like these other bimbos, why are you here?" Rum Tum Tugger asked, losing interest.

"I just told you! I need advice on how to fight Macavity!" Mistoffelees reminded him exasperatedly.

"Oh honey, please, Like I know anything about fighting," Tugger scoffed. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Ohhh, Tuggie, you're so romantic!" Etcetera squealed as she hugged Tugger, who ignored her and inspected his nails.

"You don't have any advice? At all?" Mistoffelees asked.

"All I know is that that b*tch Macavity has some fabulous hair!" Rum Tum Tugger gushed. "He could be in a Pantene commercial or something." Mistoffelees rolled his eyes.

"I hate you," he said as he glared at Tugger, who only smiled back.

"But you respect me!"

"Why don't you just go ask Macavity what his weaknesses are?" Jemima suggested.

"Are you kidding me, Jemima? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!" Tugger objected. "Everyone knows Macavity has no weaknesses! Duh!"

"No, she's right," Mistoffelees said thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully and stared off in to the distance thoughtfully. "He's bound to have some weakness."

"But why would he just tell you what his weakness was? And wouldn't going to his lair just provoke him in to attacking you?" Victoria said.

"Victoria, baby, let your man settle this," Mistoffelees said, causing Victoria to make a -_- face. "I will go to Macavity's cave and find the secret to vanquishing him once and for all!"

"OMG Mistoffelees, that is like so totally brave of you!" Electra gushed.

"Don't you all realize what a terrible idea this is!" Victoria objected. "You could be killed!"

"Relax, Victoria," Jemima said. "It's cool."

"Yeah, Mistoffelees so totally has it under control," Etcetera giggled.

"God, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" Victoria said as she face palmed herself.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, Victoria," Mistoffelees said as he patted an irritated Victoria on the head. "Your man Mistoffelees can handle anything." And with that Mistoffelees set off to Macavity's lair.

* * *

A short while later...

Mistoffelees reached the old refrigerator quickly, mainly because him and Macavity were next-door neighbors. He knocked a few times on the old fridge, while saying "Knock, knock!" cheerfully.

"What? What do you want?" Plato asked as he opened the fridge door.

"Oh! It's you, Plato," Mistoffelees said, surprised. He peeked in past the door. "Is Macavity around?"

"Oh, uh... Hold on one second," Plato said. He closed the door shut and quickly opened it again, this time with his Macavity wig on.

"Oh, there you are Macavity!" Mistoffelees said with a smile. "Sorry to bother you while you have guests over."

"What are you talking about, you imbecile? I have no guests!" Macavity snarled menacingly.

"What about Plato?" Mistoffelees asked. "Where did he go?"

Macavity nervously said, "Oh, Plato? Uh... he, well... he died. Plato died."

"Plato died? Are you serious?" Mistoffelees said. "I just saw him, like, two seconds ago."

"Um, I ate him," Macavity said as he drummed his fingers together. "I ate him and now he's dead."

"You ate Plato?" Mistoffelees gasped in horror. "Wait a second... I hate Plato! Yessss, I can be Victoria's booty call now!" Mistoffelees cheered.

"Hell no, she's _my_ girlfriend! I mean, uh... who knows, maybe I'll go to the potty and Plato will be alive and well again," Macavity said.

"Ew, um... okay. Is it a bad time to talk then?" Mistoffelees asked uncomfortably. "Should I come back later?"

"No, of course not. What's up?" Macavity asked casually.

"Well, it's just that I was named Junior Champion of the Jellicles- it's kind of a big deal- and I'm supposed to vanquish you. But I really don't know anything about fighting and, you know, I was hoping you could help me out here a little bit," Mistoffelees said. "Could you tell me some of your weaknesses so killing you will be easier? God, that was awkward."

"Let me get this straight- you want me to give you advice on the best way to kill me?" Macavity said.

"Yeah!" Mistoffelees said as he smiled and nodded his head earnestly.

"Well, here's some great advice," Macavity started. "Just stand there and do nothing. Let Macavity beat you up, that way he'll eventually get tired and then you can beat the shit out of him."

"You think that will really work?" Mistoffelees asked.

"Oh, please, I_ know_ it will," Macavity said with an evil smirk.

"Well, if you say so it must be true!" Mistoffelees said, fist bumping Macavity. "Thanks, bro! You're not so evil after all."

Macavity closed the door and smiled evilly to himself. "I lied!" He laughed maniacally. "Damn, that cat really is stupid."

"I am the smartest, coolest, sexiest man alive!" Mistoffelees cheered as he ran away from Macavity's lair happily. "I am so gonna kick Macavity's butt tomorrow!"

* * *

**Short chapter, I know, I rushed it so I could get it out sooner than later. The next chapter will be the last one. **

**Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter! Seriously I love all reviews, don't hesitate to review! I will love you forever if you do (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, the exciting conclusion to this story! Yay! :D**

Disclaimer: I don't own cats

* * *

The next day...

"Remind me again why you have to leave today, Alonzo?" Munkustrap asked Alonzo, who had his bags all packed and was ready to leave the junkyard.

"Besides plot convenience? My second cousin, twice-removed, is getting married today," Alonzo explained.

"Wait... cats don't get married!" Munkustrap protested.

Alonzo shrugged. "Well, they're not supposed to sing and dance either."

"Touche, Alonzo. Touche," Munkustrap said. "Have a good time!" And with that, Alonzo disappeared out of sight.

"I love weddings," Mistoffelees sniffled from beside Munkustrap, wiping a tear from his eye. "They're just so beautiful."

"Woah!" Munkustrap exclaimed, startled by Mistoffelees' sudden presence. "When did you get here?"

"Don't underestimate my sneakiness," Mistoffelees said. "I came to tell you that I have the perfect plan to defeat Macavity!" Munkustrap sighed and rubbed his face exasperatedly.

"Look kid, when I told you you could be Junior Champion... I really just said that to make you shut up. _Alonzo_ is the champion, remember?" Munkustrap said carefully.

"What does Alonzo have that I don't?!" Mistoffelees protested.

"Well let's see... Alonzo is bigger, stronger, smarter, and sexier than you," Munkustrap said. Mistoffelees' lip quivered.

"I'm not... sexy?" he whimpered. "Not even a little?"

"Sorry kid," Munkustrap said. Jennyanydots suddenly strolled by.

"Jennyanydots, am I sexy?" Mistoffelees asked Jennyanydots hopefully.

"Er-Well... you have a very nice personality, Mr. Mistoffelees," Jennyanydots stumbled.

"So it's true! I am ugly!" Mistoffelees wailed.

"It's okay, Mistoffelees. We all have to face the facts sometime," Munkustrap said, comforting Mistoffelees with his paw on the kitten's shoulder. "Just like I had to face the fact that I'm an underappreciated stickler."

"Yeah, and that Macavity banged Demeter," Mistoffelees added.

"That's a fact I still avoid facing," Munkustrap shuddered. "You, however, need to accept the fact that you're completely lame and unattractive."

"Well I'm going to prove everyone wrong!" Mistoffelees announced with determination.

"How? By getting cosmetic surgery?" Munkustrap asked.

"What?- No! By defeating Macavity once and for all!" Mistoffelees yelled. He disappeared dramatically in a puff of smoke, leaving Munkustrap alone.

* * *

Meanwhile...

"You know, Pouncival buddy, I've been thinking," Tumblebrutus said comtemplatively as he and Pouncival were hanging out together on top of the car hood.

"Yeah, breh? What be troublin' my homie?"

"Did you ever notice that all of the bad characters in 'Cats' are gingers? Like Macavity, Mungojerrie, Rumpelteazer, and Growltiger," Tumblebrutus said.

"Dayum! Preach it, breh!" Pouncival exclaimed. "Them gingers really do got no souls."

"Exactly!" Tumblebrutus said. "Well, except for Plato. That man is a saint, a true ginger saint."

"Word," Pouncival agreed. "Where is my homeboy pimpin' anyways? I haven't seen him all day." The duo suddenly noticed Macavity casually strolling by.

"Oh shit, it's that Macavity bitch!" Pouncival yelled. "Us brothers gotta split!" Tumblebrutus and Pouncival ran away as fast as possible as Macavity stood in the deserted clearing.

"Where is everyone! Why won't they come bow down to me!" Macavity raged. The clearing remained quiet. "Well, this is awkward... I thought that sniveling pathetic wimp would at least be here."

"Did someone say Mistoffelees!" Mistoffelees yelled as he poofed in to the clearing.

"Oh, there you are!" Macavity said.

"Macavity, you fiend!"

"*Cough* Evil dark wizard Lord Macavity *Cough*" Macavity coughed. Mistoffelees rolled his eyes.

"Fine... Evil dark wizard Lord Macavity, you fiend! Happy?" Mistoffelees said. "Anyways, I'm here to vanquish you!"

"Well, you're right on time to get your ass kicked!"

"What? Mistoffelees is getting his ass kicked?" Tumblebrutus said as him and Pouncival came back to watch. The rest of the tribe quickly gathered, too, to watch the fight.

"I have got to see this!" they cheered.

"Oh yeah, Macavity? Come on and hit me with your best shot!" Mistoffelees taunted Macavity, who promptly punched the black cat in the face. Mistoffelees fell over and Macavity began punching him mercilessly. He curled up in to a small ball on the floor as Macavity continued to beat him up.

"Well... that escalated quickly," Munkustrap said.

"Man, he's getting the shit beaten out of him!" Rum Tum Tugger exclaimed.

"Mistoffelees, what are you doing!" Victoria yelled. "Get up and do something!"

"Victoria, baby... OW... I have it... OW... all under control!" Mistoffelees called to her. "It's in the.. OW... bag!"

Meanwhile, Munkustrap and Demeter were having a fight of their own while they watched Macavity beating Mistoffelees up.

"Munkustrap, aren't you going to do something?" Demeter yelled.

"Why should I? Are you worried about your stupid ginger boyfriend breaking a nail?" Munkustrap sneered immaturely.

"You insensitive jerk! Macavity raped me; that doesn't mean he's my boyfriend!" Demeter responded angrily.

"Yeah, that's what you want me to think!" Munkustrap snapped.

"Munkustrap, stop being such a baby! I'm not a whore, thank you very much! Bombalurina is a whore, not me!" Demeter said.

"Hey!" Bombalurina cried defensively. "I'm not a whore, I'm just easy!"

"Ha! She's right!" the Rum Tum Tugger laughed. "Easy as ABC!"

"Like you're one to talk, Tugger. Everyone knows you're the resident man-slut," Bombalurina said.

"I can neither deny nor counter that," Rum Tum Tugger said with a sly smile. "You wanna have sex?"

"Hey, look!" Etcetera said suddenly. "Macavity is slowing down!" Everyone looked back to the fight to see Macavity, obviously exhausted, slowing down his punches. After one final swing Macavity collapsed on the floor, panting.

Mistoffelees, still curled up in a tight ball, slowly opened his eyes to see Macavity on the floor. "Woah, it worked!" he said incredulously. Seemingly unharmed, Mistoffelees dashed over to Macavity to sit on him and yelled, "1-2-3! I WON!"

"That's it? Mistoffelees actually won?" Munkustrap said. "Is anyone else surprised, cuz I'm freakin shocked!"

"It was in the bag," Mistoffelees bragged happily. Everyone cheered and ran to congratulate him as he pumped his fists in the air. Out of the crowd, however, Mistoffelees noticed Victoria.

"Yo, Victoria!" he yelled. "I did it!"

"Yay," Victoria said unenthusiastically. "I'm still not your girlfriend, you know."

"I love you, too, Victoria!" Mistoffelees replied. Victoria facepalmed herself.

Munkustrap proceeded to walk over to Macavity, who was still lying on the ground and groaning, and kicked him in the side.

"OW!" Macavity screamed. "Why the heck did you do that!"

"I dunno, maybe cuz you're an evil dictator!" Munkustrap said. He kicked him again. "Take that, you scum!"

"He may be evil, but his hair is still fabulous," Rum Tum Tugger remarked. He reached down to feel Macavity's hair.

"Wait-NO! Don't do that!" Macavity yelled right before Tugger accidentally pulled his wig off.

"GASP! Macavity wears a wig!" Tugger yelled. "And he looks like Plato!"

"Wait a second, everybody! Don't you all get it! We've been bamboozled!" Tumblebrutus exclaimed.

"What are you talking about, Tumblebrutus? What trickery is going on here?" Munkustrap asked.

"That really is Plato! Macavity must have disappeared and left poor Plato in his place so the stupid coward wouldn't have to face us!" Tumblebrutus exclaimed.

"Damn that wizard!" Munkustrap cursed. "Are you okay, Plato? I do apologize for kicking you."

"Yeah, I'm okay," Plato said as he stood up gingerly (no pun intended). "I think I'll live."

"The poor cat!" Bombalurina sighed.

"He's such a trooper!" Electra swooned.

"Yeah, three cheers for Plato!" Etcetera squealed. The crowd of cats started to chant, "Plato! Plato! Plato!"

"Am I the only one who notices that Plato and Macavity, I dunno, LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE!" Mistoffelees yelled. "Didn't any of you even consider that Plato is secretly Macavity?!"

"What!? WHAT!?" Tumblebrutus shouted. "That's absurd!"

"Yeah that's not even a little bit true," Plato said nervously.

"Think about it: he's never around when Macavity is! Don't you think it's all a little suspicious?"

"Put a cork in it, Mistoffelees! Don't you dare accuse Plato of anything! That man is a hero," Munkustrap said.

"But-but-but... I stopped Macavity! I'm a hero, too!" Mistoffelees whined. Munkustrap sighed.

"Yeah, you're right. You done good, kid," Munkustrap said, clapping Mistoffelees on the shoulder.

"So," Mistoffelees said with a smirk, "Am I sexy now?"

"Don't push it," Munkustrap said, shoving Mistoffelees away.

"Hey! Victoria thinks I'm sexy!" Mistoffelees protested as he wiggled his hips in a bad imitation of the Rum Tum Tugger.

"Still not your girlfriend," Victoria said.

"Love ya!" Mistoffelees replied cheerfully. With a whistful expression Mistoffelees said, "Well, this whole shindig actually turned out to be a moderate success. I managed to vanquish Macavity on my own and prove myself as being not completely uselesss. I guess I could say this whole story wrapped up rather nicely."

The narrator couldn't agree with you more, Mistoffelees. Now that Mistoffelees was on to Plato's secret identity, Macavity never returned again and the jukyard was finally at peace once more. Alonzo got back from the wedding and was welcomed as a hero- though no one was really quite sure why. Victoria still wasn't Mistoffelees' girlfriend, but that didn't stop him from continuing to spy on her every day. Munkustrap and Demeter finally patched their relationship through couple's therapy with Tantomile and Coricopat- who decided helping them would be the hipster thing to do. Rum Tum Tugger stole Macavity's fabulous wig and began wearing it all the time- which attracted even more females than before, including Demeter. But most importantly, the sparkly midget Mistoffelees finally learned what it meant to be of use.

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**Thanks for reading! I had a lot of fun writing this story (: Review please! And since I'm desperate... feel free to go read my other stories if you haven't already! :D Okay I'm done.**


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